kayaking at work

Here was my plan growing up. 1) Be a good kid and do well in school. 2) Go to college and get a degree (one that I could support myself well without ever having to be married – marriage was to be a gift, not a necessity). 3) Get a good job that would make my parents proud. 4)Live the life. Be a good person.

The first step was pretty easy. I had loving, supportive parents, who encouraged me and guided me to find my faith. My upbringing in the Methodist church in Bay Minette, AL was blessed by wonderful teachers, mentors and families. It was a pretty sheltered life in a small southern town. Of course there were little obstacles here and there but it was a good life. My family surrounded itself with Godly people. That’s what I knew.

Step two. What a blessing it was to be able to attend college! I loved math – and there seemed to be a need in the market for women engineers, so why not? I had a great time, made great friends, and grew to love my school. It was a great experience – the only thing is, something seemed to be missing. Who had time for church stuff anymore? I had tests, football games, sorority events. So much to do! I put God in the back seat (mind you, he was still there. Just not up front.) I was driving now. What freedom! And the temptations began to slowly creep in without me even realizing it. But I still lived in my little world, thought about God, and everything was good.

Step three. Interviews, and the most wonderful job in the world (I thought)! I packed up and moved to Raleigh to a new journey. Looking back now, I’m amazed at how I was protected as IBM sent me all over the country to places I had no idea even existed. (BTW, no GPS existed back then). As my travels sent me to sheet metal houses and plastics extrusion factories, I started to realize my little world of good people wasn’t the norm. Even when I was at the office, there were many that I worked with that just didn’t have the same ideas about the importance of having a foundation of faith. I began to push my faith under the rug to be more accepted and potentially have more “opportunities” in the workplace. It was hard enough being a woman in engineering where most of your peers and managers were men, but to be a Christian woman? You were left out of coffee runs, water cooler talk, etc. I thought it was OK to put my dedication to church to the side. God was still in the back seat, I could barely see him.

As I moved around in the company, I began to enjoy perks of traveling on conferences, project meetings, and other fun things. What a life! But the more I did that, the more I realized that the lives some of these folks lived were not what I wanted to be remembered for when I left the job. The foul language that came out of their mouths, trying to be “powerful and authoritative” was unreal. Some of the “shenanigans” that went on at the conferences were just unbelievable to me. Right there in front of everyone!

I met my amazing Godly husband and married. I began to realize the need to bond myself again to those who believed, and found those at work. We stuck together and tried to avoid all the temptations around us. One turning point was one Sunday morning in Raleigh when the management had scheduled a call at 9:00AM. We had to leave for church at 9:20, so I said “I have to drop from the call, I have to go to church”. Silence on the phone. I trembled. What had I done??? Was I going to be fired on Monday Morning for not doing my job?

Ten years later here we are. I still work in the same company. There are still foul words. There are still “shenanigans.” But my colleagues know that those things are a offensive to me. They know that Sunday and Wed nights are church. I can do calls before or after, not during. I have been blessed with a kind, compassionate, caring manager. The Christians I work with ask me for prayers, and I give them. They hold me up when they know I am suffering. And I lean on God more than ever. I have let God back up with me in the front seat.

I look around at the vehicle I have been driving throughout my life. It’s not a car. It’s a two person kayak. Guess who steers the kayak? The person sitting in the back. 🙂

by Lynn Keefer

Grace

I received a book about Grace for my birthday.   I am not sure if the giver of this gift had any idea how much in need of grace I felt.   After this many miles on the journey I am firm in the knowledge that it is grace, His grace, that paves the way for me to have joy and hope and peace. I am aware of this gift given, freely, sacrificially to me. I know that there is nothing I can do to earn it or repay it. Humbled by the knowledge I do not deserve it, that my worth or unworthiness has nothing to do with this gift poured out continually, poured out in overflowing measure ….day after day, week after week, year after year.

But sometimes in the day to day of going about life, I forget. I forget that sins don’t come in big and small, that God does not measure wrongs the way I do.   Sometimes I get comfortable and I forget to acknowledge to myself that I am a sinner. That outside of God’s grace, His forgiveness, His sacrifice, I am without hope.

But life has a way of pulling that rug out from under me and the mirror reflects back to me the sin that changes the light to dark. My weaknesses are many and I work at trying to live my life surrendered to Him, to allow His power to work in me, and His light to shine through me. But when life gets hard and I get really stressed, the enemy has a way of speaking lies all over my life and he chips away at my resolve, my confidence and my focus. Before you know it my weaknesses have become who I am, have lead me to act in ways I am ashamed of, to treat people in ways that I disdain, to speak things I know are not true, to be someone I do not even like.   When the reality hits me, I sink like a stone in a murky pond. The old tapes start playing and I can find myself spiraling downward into darkness and despair.

But then I remember Grace, I remember that Jesus died for me, that He always knew that I would not be perfect but that I would stumble and that sometimes I would fall. He promised to always be there to pick me up, to brush me off, to give me a new chance, to cover me in His blood shed for me so that I could once again be made white like snow.

Redemption, new life, another chance, hope…all because Jesus loves me. So I pick myself up, I confess my sin and I hold tight to the promises He has given and the hope he offers. And at least for the next little while I walk with more humility, more dependency, and more gratitude for this unbelievable gift….grace.

To my friend, thank you for the book, the reminder I so desperately needed that He offers me grace…and for all the grace you have offered along the way.

 

The Moon and Me

Most days I drive to work in the dark. It is a good time to pray and listen to music while I prepare for the events of the day. One of my absolute joys is getting to see the moon in all of its various stages. For a long time now I have had a fascination with the moon. Not the scientific part of it or the facts about it, just the absolute beauty of it. I love that it changes shapes and sizes and that the amount of light it gives on any given night is different. I like that depending on where you are gazing at it from, it may have dark spots or be almost as brilliant as the sun.   It has a personality all its own.   Some days it is the brightest light in the morning sky and at others it is barely visible, hidden in the dark sky.

No matter what phase the moon is in I am always delighted to catch a glimpse of it. It is a continual reminder to me of the light shining in the darkness. That no matter how dark the morning sky seems, no matter how dark my world may seem, just as the moon illuminates the morning sky for me, so Jesus illuminates the dark in my world.

The moon is a reflection of the sun. It has no light of its own. That thought reminds me that I am supposed to be a reflection of God’s son, that I have no light on my own but only what light of His I allow to shine through me.

Even as I write this I am convicted that the light that shines from the moon depends on its proximity to the sun….and the light that shines through me is dependent on my proximity to the Son.   When I walk close to Him, it is easier for His light to shine through me. When I fail to be in the word, to pray, to spend time with my brothers and sisters…when I drift, then my light becomes dimmer and it is harder to see the light He wants to shine out of me.

Maybe the reason I love the moon so much is that I find myself like it. Sometimes I am radiant and bright, but at others I am dark and not much light gets through. And when my light is dim it is easy to see the craters and spots…all my sins become more evident.

The difference between the moon and I is that the moon has a planned course, a rotation that causes it to be either bright or dim at any given time.   I too have a planned course, a gift, a promise from the Father that if I stay close and depend on Him, His light will always shine through me. Unlike the moon the course I chose is mine.

What about you? Is His love and light shining brightly through you today or have you moved away from the source of light?   Remember for us, we choose how close we stay to the Son

 

Let me hear…

In a world where busy seems to be the norm and rushing is the standard, it is often hard to hear that still, small voice that God uses to speak to us. We fall prey to our schedules and routines, leaving little time for quiet and for just being with the one who so longs for our presence. We rush from one event to another, blinded to the beauty around us, ignoring the needs of the people we pass. We do good things, meaningful things, important things and things that matter deeply to our families.   Our to-do lists are long, in fact, they are never ending.   We forgo rest because there is so much that has to be done, needs to be done. We somehow think it all depends on us.

God has said “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)  He longs for our presence, he delights in us and wants us to find our peace in Him. (Zephaniah 3:17)  He is willing, waiting, longing for you to sit at His feet so He can guide your way.   He has come to give you rest, to help you carry that load, to give you more than you can ask or imagine. (Matthew 11:28), (Ephesians 3:20)   Will you carve out some time from the busy and be with him today?

Still my racing heart.

Calm my restless spirit.

Quiet my wandering mind.

Let me hear the whisper

The voice of the Divine

Shutout the noise

The deceiver brings

And speak Holy Spirit

Set me free

Growing Your Life Garden

 

Have you always dreamed of having a beautiful garden full of beautiful flowers or yummy vegetables that would provide enough with offerings to share?  Or maybe you dreamed of a garden that would bring serenity and peace, a place where you could sit and meditate on the joy of all God’s wonderful blessings? Have you ever imagined a garden that would bring glory to God, one the He would want to spend time in?

Have you ever dreamed of a Life that blessed you with wonderful bouquets of blessings?  Gave you peace and joy?  One that could be shared with others and allowed you to offered a “Token of Love”?  A life that would bring glory to God and one where God dwelled?

Well, it is time to begin growing your own Life Garden!

How does one begin?

First, you need a plan.  You begin by plotting out your garden.
Ask yourself, what do I want from my garden?  Do I want to reap love, peace, joy, self-control, knowledge, kindness, faith…

Take inventory of the garden plot?  Look at the conditions of your current life garden ~ is there enough light, is your soil rich and good, does it lack nourishment, is it full of weeds?

What kind of garden do you wish to have?
Spot plot:  Just a little space needed, low maintenance, doesn’t require much water but only bears one maybe two crops.

Row Garden:  This type is well organized.  Not very flexible but produces a good harvest.  Does require a lot of time in weeding between the rows and watering may become more labor intensive.  One must stay rigid, making sure not to go outside of the boundaries, only allows narrow views but one is able to stay on the straight and narrow.

Raised Bed Garden: With this type of plot design, all your plants are planted together without any lines or rows, utilizes the space very well; also, less weeding is required. The raised bed promotes healthy plants by minimizing soil compaction and improving drainage and aeration. It is very adaptable from season to season and you can increase or change your garden as you grow. The major disadvantage to having a raised bed garden plot is that it takes more time to set up.

Small Farm Garden:  This type of gardening may be for those who are more experienced.  First time gardeners may not wish to begin here but potential is great with much dedication, study and determination.  It does require a great commitment but the harvest is plentiful when done correctly.

So, you have made the commitment to a Life Garden.  You want to work hand in hand with God and be hands on with his creation.  You want to harvest great things and pray that they will be bountiful so that you may share the fruits of your harvest with others.

Let’s get started:

Prepare Your Soil ~ 2 Timothy 2:15
Test your soil – determine your needs – do you lack something particular – is your soil hard as clay or acidic, if so you may need to amend the soil, add nutrients or change your planting choices so that you may reach your full harvest potential.  If you are set on a certain planting but your soil may not support that be patient.  You can amend the soil to provide those nutrients so that you can reap your desired harvest.  Get your hands dirty – participate in the process, get to know your garden and seek others who have the same passion.  The more you get involved in the preparation of the soil the more you will be surprised what will come from soil that is properly prepared.  Do your research – go to the source daily, seek and you shall find.

Till the ground – dig a little deeper.  Sometimes you may even have to look to other resources for a better understanding of what your garden truly needs.  Look to those who have been able to cultivate good gardens for more advice and information.  You may need to double dig or even rotary till.

Feed your soil ~ Deuteronomy 11:13-15
A soil that is rich with nutrients will be easier to garden.  Be careful not to over fertilize with chemicals! Stive to maintain a good rich natural balance in your soil.

Keep a Garden Journal ~ Deuteronomy 11:18-20
Writing down what you have learned and being able to go back and recall it is worthwhile.  Record what you have learned and when applied how it affected your garden.  You may learn that some things worked well to improve your Life Garden while others did more harm.

Be open to change ~ Acts 3:19
You may have to change direction (repentance) when gardening.  Things outside of your immediate control can effect your growth and you may make some mistakes but be deligent and stay focused on your goal.  Look around, you may find rewards where you least expected them.

Give credit where credit is due ~ Hebrews 13:15
As you work in your life garden look at all the little changes. Enjoy and celebrate the good that is forming.  Thank God for all that He is allowing to grow within you. Take pictures, journal and be aware of your ever changing garden. Most importantly ~ Give glory to your Great Creator!

Inhale…exhale…”Thank you, my Heavenly Father, for bringing me to this place, for giving me the resources and knowledge and using me to make a wonderful Life Garden that it may be enjoyed by all but more importantly that it may be a place that finds favor in your sight.”

Tell others God has brought you to this place and He is the one who has given you the blessings that you are receiving ~ 2Corinthians 9:13.

by Kim Harrison

 

 

 

 

Knowing God: So why do you study the Bible? {an article by Kevin Henegar}

As we begin a new year together, it’s a customary time for us to individually take stock of the year that passed.  We reflect on the successes as well as the failures – and we consider how we can improve and try to make this new year better than the last.  Our mission as the North Raleigh church is to know God, honor Jesus, love the family, and serve all.  I would encourage each of you to consider how you personally can grow in each of these areas during the coming year.  For the sake of this writing, let’s focus on the idea of Knowing God.

We had a great discussion in the men’s class on Wednesday night (by the way would encourage all of you men and ladies out there to get plugged into our Wednesday classes if you are not already) about why we study the Bible – both why we should do it and also why we do study.  I don’t know about you, but I have been guilty on more than one occasion of studying the Bible because I felt like it was something I was supposed to do (out of guilt), because I was trying to prepare some thoughts for a class to support a topic I wanted to discuss, or perhaps because I was looking for proof texts for why I was correct on a certain matter.  And while it’s certainly good to teach, if these are the only reasons that drive us to study God’s word, we will be left empty and lacking.  The main reason we need to study the Word is to know God more intimately.  This is the inspired word of God.  It is the most amazing love story ever written about the God of the universe who would stop at nothing to reconcile a lost world to Himself (John 3:16).  As redeemed followers of Jesus, it is OUR story and we should be not only excited about opening its pages but also anticipating a message for our hearts from the creator of the universe Himself!  According to 2 Tim 3:16, “all scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness”.  It is living and active and sharper than any double edged sword (Heb. 4:12).  It is not some ancient writing that is irrelevant to the modern age.  Instead, it is filled with timeless truth for living in each and every aspect of our lives.

When we honestly open the pages of scripture, we cannot walk away unchanged if we are committed to taking up our cross in complete obedience to Him.  So in this month where we are looking at “New Beginnings” on Sunday mornings, it is my prayer that 2015 will indeed be a new beginning for our body characterized by an ever increasing desire to know and obey the will of God.

Love in Christ,

Kevin Henegar

 

beautifully organized {pt 2. strategies for heart maintenance}

Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?~1 Corinthians 3:16

I return to Adam’s room armed with a few trash bags, a cloth for dusting, a permanent marker, a box, and a label maker.  I confess: this last item is a luxury, a detail-lover’s dream. Sure, nothing says organized spaces must have typed labels, but something about the bold, black letters suggests authority and demands attention while mimicing the ordered lines that bring me so much peace.  I place the label maker on Adam’s dresser, giving it a satisfied pat, then throw the trash bags and the cloth on his bed.  I uncap the marker and write “to give” on the lip of the cardboard box.  Before Adam can learn to maintain a clean and organized space, he will need my help with the initial work of purging the mess that already exists.  In much the same way, as the Spirit takes possession of our hearts and teaches us to maintain purity and obedient thinking, we rely on God to purge us of existing refuse and the destruction brought on by our sinful choices.  A heart must be sanctified before it can be maintained as a yielded and surrendered living space for the Spirit.  As 1 Corinthians 6:11 says, “But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”  That word–sanctified—is the Greek word hagiazo, meaning “separated from profane things and dedicated to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 puts it another way: “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  The old must go first, and then it must be our trained effort to keep the sanctified space free of gunk and clutter.

I begin the work of recreating Adam’s room into a beautifully organized, functional living space by purging the old, broken, and destructivily messy things—the garbage he’s allowed in, the things that will no longer be useful to him.  The Spirit is a refining fire, and God has promised that He will continually purify the yielded soul (Psalm 66:10; 1 Thess.5:19–the word quench, sbennumi, refers to the extinguishing of a fire).  The “sanctifying work of the Spirit” is continual for those who allow God to tend to their hearts (2 Thess. 2:13, 1 Peter 1:2).

In Adam’s room, trash goes in the black bags for disposal; toys and clothing he’s now outgrown goes in a box to give away.  The giving box inspires a thought:  Do we consider it a part of our own heart’s up-keep to pass on our first spiritual treasures to others who need them? Luke 6:45 says that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of; Colossians 3:16 offers, “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts;” and in 1 Corinthians 2:13, Paul writes, “This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.”  In focusing about what should not clutter our hearts and the ways we should not speak, we often neglect to address the many references to those thoughts and truths that should be the outpouring of our hearts.  Many, many passages speak about our work as ambassadors, teachers, and witnesses.  Sharing the thoughts treasured up within us—investing the talents entrusted to us—does seem to expand our own capacity for growth in addition to blessing the beneficiaries of these gifts.

Once I remove the trash, as well as the broken and unused things, from Adam’s room, I will be ready to reorganize the things he has in ways that make sense to him, carefully labeling the spaces for easy functional use. It is important to fill the empty spaces with the right things, lest Adam only fill them with more of the things I’ve just discarded.  Likewise, we must carefully watch over the filling of our hearts.  Let’s not forget Christ’s admonishment about this in Luke 11, where he warns that an impure spirit will return, and finding the spiritual house empty, will return to live there with seven spirits more evil  than itself (Luke 11: 24-26).  We must intentionally fill the clean corners of our hearts with more and more of God’s Word and Spirit.

God works in our clean hearts to establish priorities, teaching us to understand the order of things so that we can organize our thoughts accordingly.  Spiritual labels glow with words reminding us of the first and most important things: Love. Trust God.  Forgive. Bear Fruit. Live by Faith.  Surrender. Obey.  But first, God places His seal—His Spirit (Ephesians 1:13)—over the whole space, engraved with the words that should define the entire contents of the room like the Adam’s room sign on Adam’s door.  The seal simply reads: Christ, because He has become our lives and we are hidden in Him (Col.3:3,4).  It was disgusting that the Israelites dragged pagan idols into God’s holy temple before the time of Josiah, and it is equally disgusting that sanctified people drag idols, junk, perversion, coarseness, criticism, gossip, and other brands of shadowy sin into a heart that has become the dwelling of the Spirit of Christ.  The more we walk in step with the Spirit, the less we should want to allow trash to re-accumulate within.  Christian growth causes us to recognize the significance of God’s command to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and to learn to maintain the order and purity that He first established there.  We cease to make “that’s just how I am” excuses and repent, throwing open the door for God’s thorough cleansing.  The Holy Spirit certainly will accomplish a transforming work within us if we remain well-yielded, but the gift of free choice means that we, the Redeemed, still have the potential either to fill these sacred spaces with more and more of the Spirit or to defile our hearts with garbage and useless clutter.  God wants us to choose holiness.

It takes hours of intention to empty Adam’s floor, shelves, drawers, and closet of all that does not belong.  When I finish my work, wiping down the surfaces until they shine, vacuuming the bits of dirt and paper and dragged-in leaves from the carpet, I establish a daily routine for my son that we will practice together for a while.  I will stay beside him, reminding him what to do, until these habits become second nature to him.  Even more, God will carefully guide the yielded soul bent on intentional submission.  Remembering the first rule of organization and also the first rule of structured teaching, I break the process down into steps Adam can manage.  I can’t expect a child who doesn’t know how to organize, de-clutter, and clean to begin with a thorough ten-step process.  Likewise, if maintaining your heart as a beautifully organized dwelling for the Spirit isn’t already an established, intentional habit, it doesn’t make sense to start with a list of elaborate spiritual goals.  We can’t expect to practice all the spiritual disciplines at once if we have scarcely made it our priority to spend time with God.  We need to take an objective look at our invested time with God and make appropriate goals to begin.

For Adam, I start with these basics:

EVERY day,

1. STOP. Don’t bring food, mud, or trash into your room.
2. Take out the trash.
3. Make your bed.
4. Put things back where they belong.

In exactly this way, we can begin the intentional Spirit-directed maintenance of pure, devoted hearts.  We can make the same intentional choices:

EVERY day (for He said that we should take up our crosses daily and follow—Luke 9:23),

1. STOP and choose the Spirit.  Don’t bring into Christ’s heart (for He is both the resident and the owner of it) that which does not belong there.  No profanity, perversion, gossip, or any of the other “moral filth” to which James refers (James 1:21).
2. Take out the trash. Confess your sins (James 5:16) and repent of them (Acts 3:19), turning away (Romans 6: 11-13).  If garbage, broken thinking, or the shadows of the past (Isaiah 43:18,19) turn up in your heart or lurk in the unexplored spaces, get rid of these things immediately.  Do not store them up for another time.
3. Make your bed.  Don’t let your Sabbath rests become dirty, jumbled, or cluttered with refuse, but keep them neat and ready for God’s transforming work.  God is both our refuge and our rest (Psalm 36:7; Psalm 62:1; and many others).
4. Put things back where they belong.  Ask the Spirit to help you see with His eyes and place the details of your day—then your week, your month, your year, and your life—in their proper context, beneath the spiritual truths—the Word–God has written on your heart.  Let the Word and the Spirit constitute your organizational system for handling everything life brings your way.

If any of these basic beginning principles gives us particular pause (i.e., spiritual resistance), it is on those particular points that we must first persist, with the Spirit as our teacher, over and over again, until these habits become second nature and we begin to see the fruit of our efforts as well the signficance and necessity of the process.  It’s then that we understand our relationships with God as life and dwell in them as though our lives depend on it.  For a sanctified soul bent on staying beautifully Spirit-oriented, time devoted only to God and His transforming work becomes a desperate need and not simply a nice idea.

 

 

 

beautifully organized {pt. 1: why bother}

I walk into Adam’s room, balancing a stack of clean, folded clothes.  I use my chin—pressed into the dryer-warm t-shirt on top—to keep the stack together, and I peer over the edges, scanning the floor for safe places to make my steps.  Adam hasn’t yet learned to maintain a clean space.  It’s something we’re working on this year, something I’m itching to tackle as the new year rolls in with it’s soul-soothing, well-ordered, artfully staged magazine covers:  Beautifully Organized: 37 Tips and Tricks for Every Room; Get Organized! Clutter Cures for Every Room; Let It Go: 62 ideas to free yourself from guilt, clutter, stress, and body hang-ups.  These three titles sit in a crisp stack in my living room, along with a few of my favorite books on the subject.  It’s interesting to me that more than one publication recognizes a connection between the organization of spaces and well-ordered thinking.

I am always inspired this time of year, as I gather up and wipe down and pack away our glittery Christmas decorations, to spend a little extra time on reorganizing.  I admit it:  it’s a pursuit that’s more to me than aesthetic.  As a teen, I spent hours in my room on the weekends, reorganizing my thoughts as I sorted and rearranged what I could hold in my hands.  I made charts and lists and created functional spaces literally to my heart’s content.  And even now, days come when nothing helps me think through my heart-stacks better than the household battle to keep things clutter-free.

A friend and I laugh about a mutually appreciated truth: we find pinning photographs of beautiful order to our organizing boards on Pinterest just as cathartic (the word does find its roots in purging waste, after all) as pinning scenic vistas about places we would like to visit.  In either case, visions of what could be bring us peace, regardless of whether we actually manage dwell in them, in much the way that we find encouragement in relationships with other people who carefully maintain their hearts.  But could it be still more essential to carefully cleanse and reorder our own hearts?

I collect organizing tips and ideas with abandon and continually refer back to them in an effort to carefully maintain order at home, because as much as I enjoy imagining order, I find establishing it even more satisfying.  I believe that this element of my personality represents the tiniest blur of God’s fingerprints on me, for, as the Word says, “God is not a God of disorder but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33).” He too recognizes the two things–order and peace—as natural partners.

I step down on what I believe to be a safe spot—just a discarded pajama top–and hear the ugly crack of a CD case beneath my foot.  Ugh. If organized spaces bring me peace, disorganized spaces most certainly add to my stress.  I find it nerve-wrecking (yes, wrecking) to try to navigate a path through a mess of incomprehensible rumpled paper, books, plastic cases, and dirty laundry.  How does he even know what’s here? I ask myself, noting that the wire baskets I once helpfully placed on Adam’s shelves look equally disheveled, filled and overflowing with exactly the same confusing, disorganized stuff  I now see all over the floor.  Of course, he really doesn’t know what’s here, and the problem isn’t that he doesn’t have the tools to stay organized but that he doesn’t yet understand the process required to keep things orderly.  I am eager to teach him, because I can’t imagine that a person with a sensory processing disorder (and let’s face it, we all have an SPD—as in, spiritual processing disorder: heart-clutter disrupts our appropriate spiritual response), a person for whom structure is a proven anxiety-reducer, could honestly enjoy living in this level of complete disorder.  So as I step gingerly, pushing piles of things away with my toes, my mind whirls through possible strategies to help my son learn how to maintain a beautifully organized space.  Whether he knows it now or not, I know that this effort will be worth his intention.  Sensible order will make him feel better.

Still, this will not be an easy project for us.  Clean your room has been on Adam’s chore list for a while now.  It isn’t that he fails to understand the phrase, but that he doesn’t yet see the fruit that will come from his dedicated intention and a little bit of work.  And I wonder, nudging aside some paper with my toe, is this also the reason we sometimes neglect the command to purify and guard our hearts?  Usually, Adam views this item as a box to be checked off, something he has to do to get to more preferred activities and free time.  Usually, his version of room cleaning involves moving things from the floor to the bed, such that his sleeping space is then covered by trash and items that would more effectively be stowed in a good storage space for later use.  Do we also, in the name of “heart cleaning,” sometimes only just set aside our messy thoughts so that they cover over and disrupt any opportunity we might have for rest?  If I don’t check behind Adam and demand more, this “cleaning” (which he deems utterly sufficient) will only be undone when it’s time for him to go to bed.  I often stand in the doorway directing him to stow things on the shelves which have now become so full that he can hardly fit another item on them for safe keeping.  It is possible to be paralyzed by un-resolved thoughts. Clearly, I need to teach Adam daily strategies for organization, de-cluttering, and cleaning, but perhaps equally important will be the consistent practice of these processes until he experiences the better living that will certainly come from the effort.  Only the latter blessing will help Adam see the significance and necessity of the work and cause him to view the task as more than just a box to be checked off his list.

It occurs to me, as I scowl at the accumulated mess—and our messes do accumulate—in Adam’s room, that as important as it is to me to teach my son to maintain a clean and organized living space, it is still more important to teach my children not only how to maintain pure and properly ordered hearts, but why doing so should be a significant–especially necessary—and daily effort for all of us.

In His word, God has much to say about this work.  Romans 8:11 echos a truth found in many other passages:  The Spirit of God lives within us.  But it’s our choice whether or not we walk in step with Him and allow Him to transform our thinking.  Do we maintain the purity of our hearts in a way that allows the Spirit room to work?  Can we see the evidence of His presence?  When Josiah became King of Israel, the temple of the Lord had fallen into disrepair and had become so cluttered with debris and idols that the people of Israel had lost the book of the Law (2 Kings 22,23).  When at last the priests uncovered the sacred book, King Josiah tore his robes in grief and repentence and launched a purifying effort that cleansed and reoriented the people of God.  God had taught His people to honor and maintain the temple as the place where He lived (1 Kings 8), but over time they became devoted to idols and lost sight of this intention.  We have been called to the very same intentional maintenance of our hearts.  Romans 12:2 says that we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and 2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we should “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  Barbara Johnson once wrote that she thought of Philippians 4:8—“whatever is true, whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”–as God’s “rubbish removal service.”  James 1:21, among many others, tells us to “get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

God has given us the tools to maintain our recreated hearts as a beautifully organized living space for Him, but I fear that we all sometimes fall to the temptation to view this effort as a chore to check off before we make our way to more preferred activities, if the intention makes our to do list at all.  Sometimes, like the people of Israel, we allow idols to clutter up our hearts until we actually lose His Word.  Together with the debris of past hurts and failure and the garbage we toss inside, these misplaced priorities make us lose sight of our devotion to God and the important daily activity of intentionally organizing, de-cluttering, and deep cleaning our hearts.

I’m encouraged, as we enter into a new year and I start reorganizing my living spaces; as I teach my children to maintain their own spaces and to want to do so, to apply the same motivation to a more significant pursuit: the careful maintenance of well-focused, clean, and orderly hearts.  I know that this better spiritual effort, more than making us feel better, will allow us to more excellently serve our King, or as James asserts, it will reorient us to all that saves us.

The Friendship Tree Adventure

A few weeks ago in bible class we engaged in a discussion of what it meant to be righteous. Our study has been in the book of Job for some time now and the continual theme from Job’s friends is that he must have done something wrong for God to have allowed so much trouble into his life.  Job continues to claim that he has done no wrong and that suffering comes to the righteous and the unrighteous alike.   And so we talked about what the “religious” concept of righteousness is, how we view righteousness in others and in ourselves.   As good students should always do, we went to scripture to try to determine what God has to say about righteousness.   We turned to Matthew 25:31–46.   The passage teaches us that those who treat others well have actually done good things for Jesus Himself.  But the more profound point of the lesson for me was that those who were righteous or performing acts of righteousness were not even aware that they had done so.

The lesson stuck in my mind and evoked a long list of questions. We give so much honor to those in our midst who seem to do the most, to those who seem the most gifted, the most talented.  Those who are less talented or gifted, those who may not even be able to figure out what their gifts are, often feel like they are not doing much for God, that they are unproductive, and sometimes even not needed.   But if what the words in Matthew say are true, it is not only the obvious good you do that makes you righteous, but the good you do when you do not even know it that finds you favor with the Father.

I am not saying that we should not use our gifts, that we should not intentionally set about to do good or that we should not sacrifice to perform acts of service. But the challenge for me is that I should become someone whose life is lived in such a way that doing good and helping becomes as natural as breathing, that at the end of the day I have no record of the good I might have done.   I believe that much of the good we do, the help we offer, and the joy we give is done not when we have set out to do so, but in those moments when we have no thought of doing so.

As we talked about this lesson and as I have pondered it for weeks now,  it has reminded me of my “Friendship Tree Adventure” last Christmas. The year before I had purchased a black metal tree and as Christmas neared I was pondering how I wanted to use it.  Several of my friends had one and they had chosen themes for theirs, snowflakes, snow men, birds, etc.  One morning an idea came to me but it seem so outrageous and so out of character for me that my first thought was to dismiss it.   The idea persisted and having a sense that it was not something I had come up with on my own I shared it with someone who knew me well.   My idea was to make the tree a friendship tree and decorate it only with ornaments that were given to me.   To do that I would have to let people know about my plan and ask them to give me ornaments.  My friend encouraged me to do it.  Still unsure I said to her “But it won’t have any ornaments on it.”  She replied “It will have so many you will have to buy another tree.”  So the adventure began.  That night I took a picture of the empty tree.  I explained the idea to decorate it and brazenly asked that if over the course of the holidays, anyone should think of me or see an ornament that reminded them of me somehow to send it.  I posted it on Facebook that night, thinking I had perhaps lost my mind but also with some sense of adventure.

By Tuesday of that week the first ornament arrived in the mail from a friend I had not seen in years.  In the days that followed I received more ornaments in the mail.  People gave me packages at church and at work.  I was left stunned and speechless.  I kept a journal and noted each one that I got, listing the date, the ornament and the giver.

What does this have to do with my study? As I stood before that tree last week, looking at the ornaments, reciting the name of each person they represented out loud, I knew that somehow I had made an impact.  I recognized that at moments when I had no idea, my presence in the life of another had meant something and that time had not erased the memory.

Ornaments continue to come and I will soon have to buy that second tree.  They are from at least  9 different states, former neighbors, co-workers, high school classmates, people I went to grade school with, family and people I have shared the walk of faith with.  I am touched and humbled and challenged by the outpouring of love.   I see myself as someone who is so challenged to love others well and the lesson on righteousness challenges me to ask God to change me, to help me to be that person who goes about touching other’s lives in ways that make a difference and to do it in such a way that I am never aware that my presence mattered.   I want my only ambition to be that I walk living to please Him, not to gain the favor of others.

I leave you with this thought and this song; there are people whose lives you have touched that you are not even aware of, that even when you think you do not have a purpose or a gift, your life makes a difference to someone just by your presence.   Let us encourage each other and be present for each other.  You never know when the words you speak, the smile you share, the hug you give makes all the difference for someone else.  And whatever you do, do it for Him because He loves you so.

Check out this song by:

Francesca Battistelli – He Knows My Name

 

first love

“And when he saw her—you know, coming down the aisle—he was crying!  He cried when he saw her.”

On the way to school this morning, Riley’s bestfriend gushes about her brother’s weekend wedding—the limo, the cake, the dancing, the ceremony.  We echo “wow’s” and “how special’s” and “ooo” our way down the winding roads, which this morning seem exceptionally bright—almost glowing with new sun—and even unusually quiet, the way things always are after an especially striking time.

We have long listenened to stories of this particular romance, beginning several months ago, when we watched the videoed proposal, complete with a ribboned Will you marry me? flying wildly through the sky behind a remote-control air plane.  The “yes” from the bride-to-be had come with a fair amount of tears too.

And this morning, as Riley’s friend remembers aloud, I can see the young groom, weeping at the end of the aisle while his Bride walks toward him.

“She was so pretty—glowing, and her dress was beautiful.  It had flowers on it.  And she cried too as she walked to my brother.  Her eyes were closed like this (and I am looking at the road, but I can see her eyes blink shut and still), and she had tears running down her face.  And then the guy—the minister—he made them turn around and said their names together.”  Riley’s friend’s sentences all run together as she tells us, but all we hear is her joy, elation over what she has experienced.

I feel Zoe looking across the seat at me, and quietly, almost dreamily, she says, “Mom, do they do that?  Do they say your names like that at the end?”

And it makes me smile, both the way she’s drawn in by love, and the way it makes her feel to think of such a public proclamation of union.

“Yes, they often do,” I say, remembering now my own turning on the arm of my new husband, and the announcement clearly made, “I now pronounce to you, Mr. and Mrs…”

The picture the photographer took as Kevin and I walked together down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife is one of my favorites, but the entire wealth of our wedding memories still brings me joy.  I hold those details close, the script of the invitations curling around the declaration that we will vow our lives to one another and be united as one in Christ; the length of my bridal train—all delicate lace and pearls—spread out and cascading down the stairs; the flowers and the wealth of friends and family surrounding us; and yes, the way Kevin looked waiting for me at the end of the aisle that day.  I remember the feel of my father’s arm beneath my hand, and the way he said, “Okay, ready?” as they opened the double doors and the wedding march heralded.  I remember swallowing tears of my own when everyone stood and turned in anticipation of our entrance.  Sighing, I can’t help but think that it’s a good thing for a weary mom in carpool fashions who hasn’t yet had breakfast to remember the passionate love and commitment that started the whole rolling ball of chaos.

“It’s a very special day,” I say, looking back at the girls in the rear view mirror.  That delicate, elegant, celebratory day does mark time so beautifully, and yet, the day really only expresses the depth of a relationship already well rooted.

Before we were married, Kevin and I benefitted from so much wise counsel—formal and informal—in preparation for our married life.  From the beginning, on the advice and inspiration of other couples, we made promises to each other that would become a beautiful part of the covenant we entered into together.  We agreed never to spend time alone with someone of the opposite gender, no matter how casual the occasion.  It wasn’t that we didn’t trust each other, but that we had received wise advice to fiercely protect that trust.  We vowed not to give the Enemy of our souls any room to sow seeds of doubt.  We promised to have time just for each other that we set aside each week.  One couple counseled us to guard and uphold that promise even after kids, because, as they put it, “For the sake of your family, your relationship must remain second only to God in priority in your household.”  Over the last nineteen years, we’ve kept these and many other promises to each other with great determination, even when others have considered us silly or unreasonable, because we recognize that the love we have for each other and the commitment we’ve made must be tended and well protected.  And now, we celebrate anniversaries with tender thanksgiving for a relationship that continues to grow and mature with the years.

I can’t help but think of this as we make our way to school and the girls chatter moon-eyed, conjuring candlelit dreams.  Wrapped through my memories and their excitement also comes the echo of scripture and a challenging reminder:

For your maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth (Isaiah 54:5).

And like it, this:

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy.  I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him (2 Corinthians 11:2).

The Spirit whispers a heartfelt question through the message of scripture:  Do you still feel passionate, blushing, even a little moon-eyed, over your the Lover of your soul?  Do you recognize that your relationship with Him must be tended and well-protected? Do you understand that this

 is as lovely a wedding photo as this one? 

The church is the Bride of Christ (Revelation 19:7-9), and in baptism, God has gifted us with a ceremony by which to beautifully mark the sealing of a covenant between each one of us —and all of us together—and the One who has Redeemed even our spiritually adulterous hearts.  That elegant, nervous, magical day, we are surrounded by Family celebrating a relationship that should already be rooted in new commitment and newly devoted love, finally and officially expressed in a covenant-sealing that recalls the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

But do we tenderly remember and celebrate that anniversary like we do our earthly ones?  Is there even one intentional day when we recall what it meant to fall in love with Him? Do we count the years and fondly remember the way He asked, what it felt like to know that one day we will see Him passionately waiting for us, the promises we made to love Him wholeheartedly?  Do we proclaim with thanksgiving and deep, now maturing love the gift of covenant relationship with the Creator of all the Earth?  Do we post memories of the years with Him?  And do those of us who have journeyed longer as part of the Bride reach out to counsel soon-to-be Christians about practical ways to strengthen their intimacy with Jesus, to fiercely guard against idolatry, to protect the trust?  Do we advise those newly in love with God to make time each week just for Him and to protect that time lest “the worries of life” choke and distract and weaken the priority of that relationship?  And do we keep the promises we once made to Christ when we fell in love with Him and vowed to give Him our lives, even when other people think us silly or unreasonable in our devotion?

In Revelation 2:4,5, Jesus rebukes the church in Ephesus this way:

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen!  Repent and do the things you did at first.

Following Jesus changes everything about living and challenges us to faith and sacrifice and yielding we can never imagine when we begin the journey.  Loving our Lord births its own brand of crazy, right as it bears lasting fruit.  And it makes me smile still more, the sweetness of this greater truth, the blessing of this even more life-changing memory.  One day, years and years ago, I gave my life to Christ and could not wait to be swept under the water in baptism.  I promised Him that He would be my everything for always.  It was the day—the radiant, stunning day—He made me a new creation.

In the middle of all the difficulties of this life, I want to remember that day and those feelings.  I want to give thanks for our years together and the way my Savior still sweetly holds my hand and carries me through the storms in His arms.  I want to honor Jesus with my testimony, to proclaim our Love and covenant so well that I can see desire and awe on the faces of my children when I speak of Him and of our relationship.  I want to tell the greatest Love story ever told with the kind of giddy excitement that makes all my sentences run together, so that maybe just maybe others will fall in love with Him too.